I chose this LIFE

-Farzana

Born in Chennai as a male child, youngest to 4 elder sisters.

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Lost my mother at a very young age,  After her death, I was raised by my dad, sisters and my aunts. Because I was the only male child and youngest of everyone, I was pampered by everyone. My sisters used to treat me like a girl. They would apply their make-up on my face and dress me up like a girl.

Though I was a male by gender, my characteristics were of a female. I would love to dress up like a girl. At school events, I used to dress up like a girl and dance to femalecentric songs. Since childhood, I have always considered myself to be a girl. My very first love happened when I was in 5th standard. I fell in love with a boy! Yes, you heard that right. It was my first ever love and that was the first time I realized that I’m interested in men. So, I grew up with all these girlish feelings in me. I’m from a middle-class family, when I finished my schooling, I started working in the automobile field. I continued working in that field till the age of 21. When I was 21 years old, it was a life-changing phase in my life.

I once happened to visit a beach in Chennai and there I saw the transgender community. I was so intrigued by their attire that I approached them to understand them better. Through them, I got to know that we have a separate community for all the transgenders and that instilled hope in me that I shouldn’t shy away from my feelings and I should embrace the female within me. 

 

 

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I started going out to events with this new group. I used to dress up like girls and perform in events. Once my sisters caught me threading my eyebrows and that was the day where I confessed to my family about my feelings. However, they didn’t approve of any of my thoughts and forced me to get married. 

Due to pressure, I had to leave my home. I got help from a close friend of mine, I stayed at my friend’s place for a year and during this time, I had grown my hair and later I underwent silicone surgery. After about a year and a half, I got my surgery done and I was now the person that I always wanted to be. This was the most memorable time of my life where my community friends took care of me and made me feel very special. 

Post this I started working as a sex worker. In the morning, I start my day by doing my house chores and in the afternoon, I visit the NGO where I meet my friends and we collectively play games and feel good by talking to each other. In the evening I come back home and get dressed up for my work. In my work life, I have met a lot of people. Few men are really kind, and few men would just use me for their pleasure. I also had 6 boyfriends whom I used to date. 4 of them had to leave me due to personal reasons and 2 cheated on me

At times I feel lonely because I live all alone and there is no one to take care of me. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn’t have chosen this life and should have stayed back with my family. But I feel good thinking that I’m a free bird now. I need not be dependent on anyone for anything. I can go anywhere with my friends without having to think about any safety issues. This is all I wanted to be in life. I want to work hard, earn money and be happy by myself. So, this is my story. 

I have a humble request to all the readers. 

 

Please do not get scared of us or look down upon us. We are humans and please treat us with dignity. Do not tell your kids to get scared of us, please tell them about us as human beings. We are one among you and need your acceptance. Please treat us normally.

– Written By SAP Volunteers for SAP stories

Don’t forget how this all started.

Continue to create safe spaces for the LGBT+ community.