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“I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past…….be proud of your scars and that you’ve still standing Because I believe It’s Ok to Lose people. But Never lose Yourself”

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'People think we wake up and decide to be trans'

The End of Society


The algorithm knows everything that happens. It knows when babies are born, it knows what
genes they have, how they’ll behave. It knows their motivations, intentions before it can even take
its first breath.
Her life became an incredible series of dangerous, physical and the emotional journeys to
become a woman and to find love. A violent life between her home and outside to find a life of
dignity.

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What does it mean to be transgender?
Transgender people are people whose gender identity is different from the gender they were
thought to be at birth. “Trans” is often used as shorthand for transgender. When we’re born, a
doctor usually says that we’re male or female based on what our bodies look like.

A trans woman is a woman who was assigned male at birth. Trans women may experience
gender dysphoria and may transition; this process commonly includes hormone replacement
therapy and sometimes sex reassignment surgery, which can bring relief and resolve feelings of
gender dysphoria.

Think about it, a traveller in dark finds a beam of light at the end of the tunnel, which leads to a paradise, similarly Sudha is a Superhero of many lives. The founder and Director of Thozhi (Transgender shelter) started in the year 2012.

 

INDEX

 

BIRTH BY CHANCE NOT BY CHOICE

TODDLER TO ADOLESCENCE

SCHOOL TO HARASMENT

BEACH OF CHENNAI

SUCIDE

HAIR CUT

BEGGAR IN PARADISE

BLUE AND PINK

CAN LOVE HAPPEN

SWITCH

YOU KNOW ME

DEATH

MY POINT OF VIEW

 

BIRTH BY CHANCE NOT BY CHOICE

 

In the city of Nellore, the state of Andhra Pradesh my father was a Farmer who grew rice crops by the banks of Penna river and he was a man with simplicity and he was down to earth all the people in the village respected him for the way he carried himself, he had a fit and a healthy
lifestyle and the power to uphold everything in life.

My mother was a home maker who was an amazing cook and had the art to turn everything right
in the house she always loved everyone and treated all with respect. She was a kind-hearted
woman by nature and my mother would never speak up for herself. Her life revolved around the 4
walls of abode.

My Elder brother was a good-looking champ he had the charm to win hearts. He was in class X
and had an ambition to become a Journalist and work for the Press. He always had high views for
education and would encourage people around him to study and was good at giving educational
advice.

My family was a Middle-class family, money was never on anyone’s bucket list everything was
fine in my house, bundle of joy and warmth was in every Conner of my house and finally the day
came where I was going to be a box that will unwrap the happiness.

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My birth was not planned like any other child I was more of expect the unexpected to my parents.
After my mother had undergone contraception, after 9years the birth prevention she took gave up
on her body, the drill of a new born was just exciting in my family my birth was more like a
celebration, my elder brother was in class X despite having the age difference of 15years between
him and me he was waiting to know if it was a baby sister or baby brother but at the Conner of his
mind he always wished to have a little brother who could be his partner in crime.

 

The older women in the neighbouring hoods, were guessing it was a baby girl, predictions and
assumption kept crossing and the day arrived that to everyone’s surprise I was a born a boy baby.
My elder brother was jumping in joy to hear his wish came true. The entire family poured so
much love on me I was a treat to the family. My parents named me Sudhakar.

 

 

TODDLER TO ADOLESCENCE

 

My neighbourhood was filled with a lot of Muslims and I had a lot of Muslim friends and played
on the streets with them at the age of 5years.The bond my family share with the neighbourhood
was more like a second family and since I was the smallest among all I was loved and treated like
their own child.

 

When I used to play games I was always dragged to play with the boys and boy games but on the
other hand I still remember wearing the tiny boy clothes and having a love to play with all the girl
games, kitchen set, and dress up like a barbie doll was my kind of stuff.
I never knew why I had this different feeling to play with girls when I was a boy by physical
appearance, I was so confused to know what exactly I want and who am I.
I never wanted to share with my friends and family that I was with a boy body with a girl brain.
It was too early to decide if I was gender dysphoric.

 
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I was a part of all the occasions and I always admired the women when they got dressed up in
different colours and flashing all the vibes of every season, watching the women to bring out the
best designs on mehndi, when there beautiful hands glittered in all shades of bright red was just
beyond belle.

I always had a fantasy to see myself with some jasmine flowers that jut as an accessory for the
hair and mehndi on my hand with jewellery on my neck, bangles on my hands with anklets on my
feet which made the sound of rhythm as I walked.

One of the neighbour used to dress me up like a small girl and I enjoyed the way I was dolled up
to look like a princess, knowing this and seeing me get disguised in a girl attire my parents used
to yell at me and the neighbours who dressed me like a girl, but deep down in my heart I was so
happy to see me like a girl while my parents and family admired me in a men’s outfit.
I had sleepless nights thinking why I am in this world like this and is there a better word or
someone who could help me of the trauma which I’m going through.

Wearing a man’s garment was so frustrating and throbbing at times I always wanted to unfasten
myself with the male world and run for my life that I wanted to live, but I was too small to decide
if this is what I was made for. 

 

SCHOOL TO HARASMENT

 

Until I was about five or six, I didn’t know I wasn’t a girl, to be honest with you. One of my
earliest memories, was being yelled by a teacher for spending time with a lot of girls. About the
same age I realised I was different to these other boys. At the age of nine I refused to have my hair
cut. I didn’t have it cut until I was 16 or 18, because having it cut was such a torment to me.

School was extremely difficult. I got bullied a lot. I was picked on for being too thin, for being
feminine, for not liking sports, for hanging around with girls, for having long hair. They mocked
everything they could think of in terms of gender and sexuality and on the other hand I was to
strong not to take all of this into my head and worry about it. I loved the way I was but deep down
I was disappointed to live a different life.

My brother had completed Journalism when I was in 6th STD and was a journalist by then and by
the course of time My brother was married and had children.

Days passed by and I was in college doing my 12th STD.

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 I used to get dressed up like any other day and go, my schedule was as usual go to college have

fun attending classes and I had 2 guy friends who were the best to hang out, Because of them I
loved going to college as they made me feel different compared to the other guys in college.

There was one professor who was trying to get physical with me, he wanted to have a physical connect with me, when no one was around he used to touch my lips and say how soft it is like a rose bud and touch my hands and say look how soft it is like a women. I could not have any control of what was happening to me I just wanted to run away all the time and If I got a chance, I would shoot him in his head to say learn to behave. When a dog on the street knows what NO means why the human world denies it and forces people into it.

 

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I always wanted to know if there was some one like me who shared the same feelings, there were
no trans people around the place I lived so I did not know if there was someone like this on the
other side to feel the same I felt. I knew how I felt but I did not know there was a term for it, and I
did not have the guts to tell or share this to someone or I had someone who could help me off this.
Technology was on the face of development, so I did not get a chance to find it on the social
media

 

 

BEACH OF CHENNAI

 

The day arrived where I had to move to Chennai for my higher education after my 12th class since my brother was working as a journalist for Eenadu, and had a successful carrier my family wanted me to study medicine and my family has roots of medical science so they thought this was the best for me and my fathers brother was in Chennai so they asked my uncle to take care of me while the time I was in Chennai and I didn’t know my family had a secret plan after
my education they wanted me to get a job and marry my uncles daughter.

I reached the hostel on Friday morning after the long travel from Andhra Pradesh to Tamilnadu, the moment I stepped into the hostel I felt it uneasy to get adapted to the new change and environment. It was like a roller-coaster ride to get to Chennai leaving my family friends and the things that I love in my hometown. After few hours of reach my heart was pondering to go back to my hometown and my classes where going to resume from Monday.

I quietly made up my mind quickly picked my bag and wanted to leave even without telling my uncle and took a travel back to my hometown and then I reached my home and my parents where in astonishment to see me back home and I confessed telling I do not have a mind and soul studying in Chennai I started crying. My family convinced me and took me back to Chennai but this time my brother was with me.  I had no other choice but get the education going on is the best I thought, all the classes where taken in English and I was from a Telugu medium so everything was difficult for me, I cried to my Uncle telling I’m not happy here nothing feels good around and my family agreed to get me a job as a technician in a clinic but still I was having the feeling of being a moron here, so my family wanted to make me feel better so I and the other cousins went to the beach. 

 

One day one of them came to me and asked me if I was one of there kind, I was hesitant and was fading off but accepted the fact I belong to people like them I was happy that I was in Chennai for the first time when I saw people like me.
 
 

Days kept going and I missed work and went to the beach quite often to spend time with them and that was giving me more happiness and kept doing this because . I finally found myself and my family didn’t know about it. That when I realised A lightbulb went off in my head and I though, this explains all the issues I’ve had if I can remember.

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SUCIDE

On a day-to-day basis I don’t tell people I’m transgender. The thing about trans people is, we feel very normal. It’s the way we are, it’s only when people say you’re not normal that you feel that way.

I’ve always been extremely feminine, I always felt that way. I can’t say that I ever felt like a boy, I just had to live as a boy for the first 16 years of my life. 

A lot of people have it in their head that we wake up and decide to be trans. I want people to know that it’s not a choice. Nothing has happened in my life to make me trans. I was born trans.

As usual My beach visits where going on and on the other hand my family had no idea that I was going to the beach tosee my transgender friends and finally one day I fell in love with a guy who used to admire me from far all day long atthe beach and I liked him so much that I fell in love with him and wanted to have a life with him just like any other girlI was possessive about him and the feelings I had towards him.

 
And my trans friends told me he was a boy on the road side who doesn’t have family and he lives a life like a gangsterand he was a night mare to live with, but he expressed his love towards me and I fell in love with him instantly,, I was17years old and started believing Love is blind and he also loved me so much that he called me his wife and promised,he will marry me,,, that moment I tagged my life to him and decided he was mine no matter what.
 

At this stage of life, I was with a boy body and girl thinking brain, but my appearance didn’t matter to me. One day allthe Trans friends planned to go out for boating which was near the bridge and they invited me as well as I called myGangster boyfriend to it, he took me there that was the first time I wore a dark Red Ghaghra and choli which had fullheavy stone work which made it shine like diamond in the sun, the dress had complimented my skin so well it was soperfectly hanging from my body and bright red lipstick which made my lips look like a rose bud and some bangleswhich made tiny noises as my hand moved and some pink blush to add emphasis on my cheeks and looked like aperfect women despite all the flaws I had not being a women completely.

The only thing that ran into my head was I wanted to be the best to my gangster boyfriend when he sees me like this forthe very first time, every moment as I got dressed I just wanted to impress the boy Whom I loved to the core, maybethis is how every girl would feel when she wants to impress her man for the first time and that is what I assumed it feelsto be a girl.I walked out to join the other trans friends as we were heading next to Kovalam and my eye was in constant search tofind my lover boy while I spotted him on the bike he was beside another trans women laughing and giggling andhaving so much fun from a far of distance It looked like he loved her company and enjoyed being with her but keptdoing this to make me feel envious.

Jealousy grew in me and I was so annoyed for the fact he was with another women and nothing just ran into my head,All that I wanted to do is kill myself and end my life all at one go nothing was more important to me like my family,friends and my life nothing was my priority all the love I had got crushed into pieces the moment I saw him with another women and I quickly ran out stood on the top of the parapet and with no count down in mind jumped from the bridge and fell into the water.

 

HAIR CUT

On hearing this, the men close by came running to rescue me and on the other hand all the trans friends came running to help me out including my lover boy, and that moment out of the water I realised someone rightly said “LOVE IS BLIND”

I was lifted out of the dirty water; the water had this dreadful odour and I felt pukish and was disappointed that death was not in my favour and the pain of not getting someone was quite throbbing and excruciating.

The gangster lover boy looked at my face and told me I’m mad and was a moron to do this and he was so irritated and told me I was a MAN and he can’t have a life with a MAN like me, I lost control and as the gentle air blew the hair on my face I slapped him for saying that, he was completely in shock and never expect me to do that to him and in return he slapped me too.

People thing I was too sweet to be kind and took advantage over me, which proved them wrong and finally they rushed me to the hospital as I was bleeding in pain and the Doctor examined me and told I fractured my right toe as the water level was low my feet hit the bottom surface.

I went back to my uncle’s house like a lame person, and I had one friend with me I begged him to tell we fell of the bike and both of us hurt ourselves and just not me in pain. He to acted like limping with pain, we kept walking and until wereached the stopping place, he was acting normal the moment he saw my uncle and my uncle asked me what happened. I gathered all the spunk in me to tell him we fell of the bike and my uncle didn’t believe me and asked me why there

was so much of reek over me I still resumed the story of telling we fell from the bike and I didn’t know I pushed my uncle to a indignant state of mind, out of the blue my uncle for the very first time slammed me against the wall and my head seemed to spin like a ball that hit a 6 in the match. And that moment I started crying to my uncle telling I loved one guy and he cheated on me. After hearing this my entire families head was spinning and they asked me what was running in my mind or they assumed after my uncles hit, I went nuts.

I finally confessed telling them I was a Trans and I loved being this way and wanted to be treated like anyone else. My uncle was really getting annoyed and hit me and belted me so badly, immediately there was a call dialled out to my father and told him what happened, and my entire family came rushing to my uncles’ home.

They all wanted to change me somehow, as a first step they took me to the salon and got my haircut done, I loved my hair so much and grew it long and they made me get a bald haircut and they got me to a psychiatrist and I had to go to a lot of sessions and therapy, Every time I spoke to the psychiatrist, I was being honest in telling what I wanted to do In life and what I wanted to be I was quite confident in telling I wanted to be a transgender and live a happy life.

 

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Then My father and uncle came to the last session and they wanted to talk to the doctor to know what the result was. My uncle had high hopes I would change my mind and marry his daughter, my heart was pondering and I was sitting out side the Doctors room and was waiting to know what the final call was for, My dad and uncle came out with a long face and was disappointed to know the doctor told them to let me live the life I wanted to, also he told them not to trouble me or give any physical abuse and let me be like a free bird, on hearing this I felt God was in Disguise as a Doctor

 

 

BEGGAR IN PARADISE

 

“If I wait for someone else to validate my existence, it will mean that I’m short-changing myself and be yourself, the world will adjust.” now changing from Sudhakar to Sudha.

That is what I thought was the best in life and moved out of my house I never wanted to be a pain in any one’s life and stepped out to live with people who accepted me and who are like me.

Think about it how happy I was, I still remember I used to keep cotton pads above my chest to make it look like I have breast and now here is the life I get to do all the things I want to do, dress up like a princess and look like a heroine of my own life. In this beautiful world I met Deepika, Sowmya, Priya, Anjali, Kirti and Sona including me it was 7 of us, we were like 7 starts I had a Trans mother who adopted me and she took care of me, likewise the day I grew up I would have to adopt people and give them shelter and give them help like the way I was treated because I live in a world where we used to help each other no other gender will help us.

I was treated like a queen for the first few days but I was not getting the same feeling after a week because to live you need money and to get what you want you need money just not me but this the truth that everyone agrees on the planet.

But what will I do to survive in this world because Money is an answer to everything, so goes the saying which is so true Never spend your money before you have earned it, but me on the other hand having nothing to live and count on.

There were 2 ways in my life where I could fetch money as Transgender:-

1) Go on streets and beg for money

2) Or be a Man’s meal tonight and get into prostitution

I had to get into this is because this was the job my Trans mother was doing maybe if they were doing a different job like working in a textiles company, I would have done the same job like them. But here on the other hand who is willing to offer a job, and all treat us like some untouchables only if you respect us and treat us like any other people on the planet we could have had a better life’s and be at a different level in the society.

And I had to save money, to get myself changed into a complete woman for all the medical expenses and I need to bare it myself, so I decide to do what my trans mother was doing.

The first time I got dressed up and went to beg with my trans family, they took me to a shop where The elder trans were collecting money in the ground floor and I was supposed to go to the first floor and collect money, the moment I asked money to the shop keeper on an instant note he insulted me and was abusing me with a bad slang, he told me I appear like a human who has all the limbs in place and why am I begging and yelled at me telling why I can’t go work some where and get a life. I was humiliated to the core and could not take it any more went crying and sobbing and was unable to take things light at that moment I felt I should go back to my hose and get back to my parents, but it also stuck me That this is not what I’m made for I started to build more focus on myself and wanted to focus on the thing that can get better and started learning to be a strong person.

 

 

BLUE AND PINK

 

It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.

Now that my body was not prepared to get into prostitution I had no other choice but for 2 years I was begging on the streets and every traffic signal I went to ask for money there was one thing running in my head I’m no less than a beggar I’m the same what big difference I got to the world nothing changed for the next 2years and people gave this dirty look at me and I was traumatize every day there are days I felt why the world is not a better place to live.

I was alone on the streets I didn’t have anyone to be with and I was so broken, think about it for a person who had everything in life, family, relatives and friends for the rest of my life I have no one, the only reason for all of this is no one wanted to support me no one wanted to be on my side and no one wanted to let me live, sometime people even felt like killing me.

There have been days I’ve starved to death and no food no proper shelter it makes me think what a life one people has everything and on the other hand one doesn’t have anything to live with, 2 different extremes.

Now is when I started saving money to get a Sex Reassignment Surgeries (SRS) done. Quite a hard time it took almost 2years for me to get the Surgery done. The day I was in the hospital getting the surgery done, I don’t know where the mistake happened how my family knew about it, I heard the doctors telling me my family was at the reception fighting and waiting to kill me for this decision that I took and having so much of physical and mental pain I had to give a written consent telling the SRS operation was done with my complete knowledge.

Days passed and my family never wanted me and they where always hunting to kill me down.

I had no other choice but had to get into prostitution this time for survival, the first time or the last time I had sex with a man the feeling was still the same I didn’t want to sleep with anyone, but I had no other choice I was just into it to get money for a living I wanted to have. Every time some man touched my body, I felt disgusting and every nerve or the cell in my body was feeling the hurt pain and agony of fate.

“There’s a phrase, “the elephant in the living room”, which purports to describe what it’s like to live with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, “How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn’t you see the elephant in the living room?” And it’s so hard for anyone living in a more normal situation to understand the answer that comes closest to the truth; “I’m sorry, but it was there when I moved in. I didn’t know it was an elephant; I thought it was part of the furniture. “There comes an aha-moment for some folks – the lucky ones – when they suddenly recognize the difference.”

 “You know all that sympathy that you feel for an abused child who suffers without a good mom or dad to love and care for them? Well, they don’t stay children forever. No one magically becomes an adult the day they turn eighteen. Some people grow up sooner, many grow up later. Some never really do. But just remember that some people in this world are older versions of those same kids we cry for just a life that I lived between legs.”

Because the life I lived was the feeling, “This isn’t a romance. You’re not a damsel in distress and I’m not the handsome prince come to save you or marry you.”

 

 

CAN LOVE HAPPEN

 

They say that love happens only once. Yes, indeed it is true, love happens only once but it can happen again and again with the same person or a different person but for me it was with a different person. As odd as it may sound, I loved a guy again for the second time. I was in a relationship with a guy for few years.

There where lot of beautiful things I learnt so many things from him he changed my complete life, he even built a separate room for me in the house until a day he asked me to leave my whoredom life that was on going, that was the day things started fading. Yes, the love started fading.

He failed to understand that I was not doing it because I loved it but I didn’t get a job to work and have a life like anyone else. There was a time when we would spend entire night talking to each other on phone, we would meet every weekend, there was not a single morning or not a single night without a good morning and goodnight text. Nothing could be better and then suddenly things started changing. We sort of started drifting apart from each other for no apparent reason. Calls now were less frequent; we met once or twice in a month now, good morning and good night texts were still there but the most important thing that was missing was the love.

I could feel it and maybe he also felt the void that was becoming bigger and bigger with each passing day and none of us was doing anything to fill it. And then one day, I called him to have a talk, to basically clear things out. Now, I did not even realize, and the conversation took turn where two of us agreed for a mutual break up. Now, we officially broke up.

The relationship that once looked very provisioning was not even there anymore. Of course, I was devastated, and I had no idea about him. Days passed; I did not hear from him. It was tough for me to get over him, but I could feel that his absence was bearable now and I was coming back to my normal self.

Struggle is an unavoidable part of self-employment. Nothing ever comes easy, when you are trying to build towards your dreams. Difficulties and hardship will be your constant companions. But there have been people before you. There have been people, who passed through a similar struggle, as you are doing now. And, there are people, who are facing it right now. You are certainly not alone in your struggle.

Many times, will come…

… when you’ll hate the journey, you’ve chosen.

… when you’ll be close to giving up.

… when you’ll want to quit.

 

SWITCH

 

It’s in those moments, that you will have to look towards those people, who have already passed through the struggle. It is those people, who are going to remind you of why your current struggle is worth it. But this time around I wanted to change history I wanted to be different I was working on the life that I got to make it a better place to live for me and the people who trusted in me.

I started going to various offices and companies asking them to give a job, when people heard me they asked me how can I give a job for a person like you and how can I trust you, now the feeling was more of trust and I lost respect every time I walked asking for a job there where so many places I went , no one gave me hopes I was fine to get a watchman’s job to but no one offered me one.

But the struggle was still on and the hunt to get different was getting harder for me days passed by nothing worked. At one of the places I went they told me its good your looking for a job, but nothing is worth it and gave me Rs500 and asked me to leave.

That’s when I realised, I must do something to change the society first then everything will fall in place. There’s a logic behind humans living in society.

“Show me a man or a woman alone and I’ll show you a saint. Give me two and they’ll fall in love. Give me three and they’ll invent the charming thing we call ‘society’. Give me four and they’ll build a pyramid. Give me five and they’ll make one an outcast. Give me six and they’ll reinvent prejudice. Give me seven and in seven years they’ll reinvent warfare. Man may have been made in the image of God, but human society was made in the image of his opposite mind.”

I started my own community for the Transgender I worked so hard to build the wall for myself and help people like me to go in the right path and teach them what is best for life and create a world of equality.

It’s just not what you see in the form when you are asked to fill gender

Men ⬜    Women ⬜      Other ❌       Transgender ✔️ 

 

YOU KNOW ME

 

“People changed lots of other personal things all the time. They dyed their hair and dieted themselves to near death. They took steroids to build muscles and got breast implants and different jobs and changed stuff, so they’d resemble their favourite movie stars. They changed names and majors and lifestyle and husbands and wives. They changed religions and political parties. They moved across the country or the world — even changed nationalities. Why was gender the one sacred thing we weren’t supposed to change? Who made that rule?”

 There is more in the society we want the people to accept and the Government to support us to get a better life. I started Thozhi in the year 2012 a Transgender shelter I welcome people like me I adopt them I teach them what is good and right for life.

Words have the power to motivate us and help us to live more intentionally. Each of us have areas of our lives that we would like to improve, and there are quotes and words of wisdom that can almost, always be found to motivate and inspire us in these different areas. As we strive to grow ourselves, it’s important to choose the words we speak to ourselves carefully.

“Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution.”

I adopted many people like me and gave them what I could best offer. By doing the best I travelled the world and was a representation for Trans community I got featured in the newspapers, media at the age of 26 – 28 years.

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I have adopted children (Namita, Priya, Angel Glady) who I grew, and they have made me proud and they are a representation of me they are a true success face.

 

trans star event

 

Sudha journey did not end here,

  • Got the Doctorate award for Social work.

  • I was a representative National AIDS Control Organisation.

  • A representative for trans community at – Vietnam

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Now I had so much of good happening in life I had a best soul sister Deepika to be with me all the time giving the right support and encouragements. She is always the best who stood behind me she was a magic to my life. What more can I ask for a sister like her, love for her is never a fading out statement.

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DEATH

Despite all the happiness happing in my life I was still upset for the fact my family never accepted me.

Almost for 5years I’ve never seen or spoke to them, but my achievement kept sparkling everywhere, they knew I was alive somewhere.

But there was a day I got a call from my family telling my father was unwell and was sick at the hospital. That was the moment my heart broke and it was filled with distress and I realised I should have at least met my family. I missed precious 5years with them I cried my heart out but there was nothing I could do to fix it.

I packed my bag to go back to the place where I was not accepted, my heart was filled with different emotions and did not realise my world was coming a part here again I feel what a sore life I have.

The moment I reached the hospital my eyes kept looking for my father’s face, all memories with him kept flashing on my mind every memory was dancing and flipping bitterness but this was not my faulty to be born this was only if my family gave me the warmth I wanted life could have been better for me and just not me but the life of all Tran genders there are so many Trans who never returned home gone to different place and vanished like the stain on the cloth after wash.

“Sorry to disappoint you, parents – but when your kids come out as gay, bi or transgender, it is not their fault all that they want is a cup of love.”

I reached my father’s room he looked like a man who had a lot of worries I’ve never seen my father in an excruciating state. He had the last words with me while his death rattle was filled with the room and took his last breath.

My world kept shutting and there is nothing I can do to get him from the dead bed, I heard my relatives telling me he was missing me so much that he got into depression and fell sick and was no more there.

People who came to my father’s funeral had a visit to see my transformation and shared few words of how much each one of them missed me. My brother did the final ritual for my father.

“I know that it’s easier to look at death than it is to look at pain, because while death is irrevocable, and the grief will lessen in time, pain is too often merely relentless and irreversible.”

And everything changed the way people looked at me in my hometown this was different from the first time, Life took me to a different road and was a part of all the good and bad in my house. I even started taking care of my brothers’ family and children. I was a blessing back to my family.

Here is what I want to tell the world out there just because your child was born that way it’s not their fault don’t throw them away because ‘People think we wake up and decide to be trans’  It doesn’t work that way it is the nature which has been created and this is how we are created, it’s a humble request let us live life with the families we belong, just a normal girl or a boy child, keeping in mind who can take care of us.

 

If family is not willing to accept how will the society accept us because every family is part of neighbourhood, society, state, culture, tradition, country. For a country Like India where Diversity and inclusion is followed, we are a Sovereign, Democratic and Republic state with the adoption of the Constitution on January 26, 1950. Let stake a small step to change the mind and not the people around us.

 

MY POINT OF VIEW

 

Gender Dysphoria – is the feeling of discomfort or distress that might occur in people whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth or sex-related physical characteristics. 

I’m here to give you a faint idea of what it feels to be gender dysphoric, let me give you a scenario Imagine you’re standing in front of a mirror and your entire body looks different until yesterday you looked perfect like a man but now your facial hair stopped growing you have long hair and beautiful nails with curvy body and you have to drape yourself with saree and all types of women attire; vice versa the women had facial hair on them and started wearing shirts and pants and where getting home late nights and you would never be called mother, all your dreams and habits changed would you even like to live in a world like it, but say you had a dictator who forced you to live a life of the opposite sex, wont that be disappointing just not for a day but for the entire life if you had to follow maybe from your early teens.
 

A life like that is suffocating hopeless and lonely that is the life the Trans people live but here men remain men women remain women and they are stuck between both they are not happy once side and the other side we turn out to be the dictators and force them to live a life like it. This is not even right on our part we want to live the life we want but, take others life that they want to live for.

It is very difficult to go and tell each person to change their mind set instead we live in the society that looks upon them like a dirty piece of cloth. When I say society, we are a part of it. You might think how I am responsible for it, it is simply because, if you had a trans child on the street the first person to disown is there parents and then relatives and the influencing neighbours. If all these people got their minds right, there won’t be any child left on the street.

 The problem is with the parents I feel these days parents are of all varieties one you don’t want
to have a boy child because when he grows big its difficult to manage the second set of parents don’t want to have a girl child because it is difficult to take care now we have the third set of parents who have children who are gender dysphoric, even worst to add on the forth category children are born disabled, what do you expect the kids to do they are confused but I think it is best for the nature to let it do its work and not be a part of it. Our job as parents’ relatives’ friends and neighbours is to accept what is given to you and not crib for something you don’t have.

Because I believe if you can’t say something nice don’t say nothing at all. 

Now is the time we stop doing things that affect other people lives let them live it the way they want it. There are so many Sudha’s out there who are still struggling to fight, they don’t have a choice to choose the battle but, so goes the saying “Give a man a chance he will do wonders give a women a chance she will create new life but now give a chance to a trans male or trans female they will win the world”, because for all that they go threw in life they get strong day by day and that is why they and considered to be strong that a Male and Female.

– Written By SAP Volunteers for SAP stories